Sharing online these days means you can sometimes find yourself an unwitting participant in an episode of ‘Am I the A*sehole?’ (#AITA) and this was one of those weeks. I shared a post My Five Best Buys from Vinted, which included a t-shirt featuring a print of Sonny & Cher c. 1970 only to wake up the next day to a message saying how inappropriate it was that I’d bought it and showed it off because Sonny had been abusive towards Cher during their marriage.
I can’t speak for anyone else when it comes to how and why they share things online but I don’t come from the school of Andrew Tate on this. My intention is always to be helpful and hopefully entertaining enough for people to return to my content. I’ve discussed at length that I sold over 150 items on Vinted and found the experience positive so it made sense to follow up with a feature on what I had bought.
I’m a trained journalist so as much as know the importance of a headline that’ll hook the reader in, how to formulate a feature so people read to the end and what topic will capture the attention, when it comes to my Substack, podcast and Instagram, it’s all a little more informal. Think diary entries and casual conversations over agenda-setting editorial.
I do, however, think it’s important to acknowledge if there is any truth in the feedback, even if it is usually inelegantly and piously written and ask yourself, as I mentioned above, ‘am I the a*sehole?’.
When I bought the t-shirt, I thought about Cher’s Bob Mackie outfits, of the comedy sketches from their light entertainment show that are making it onto platforms such as TikTok and I thought about the eulogy Cher delivered at Sonny Bono’s funeral.
I’m no Sonny and Cher historian and although I know they divorced, I understood they were not on bad terms but none of that influenced whether or not I would or wouldn’t buy tee or not. When I saw it on Vinted and thought I was getting a bargain, I snapped it up. It didn’t occur to me the printed sketch would be upsetting enough to someone for them to make time to let me know my buying decision was ill-advised and implied I was endorsing domestic abuse and coercive control. But then again, we are living in an age where anything can be triggering.
When other people started to see the comments, my DMs began filling up with other readers asking ‘is this for real?’, ‘upset over a t-shirt?’ and messages saying the ‘world has gone mad’ but even though that might mirror my own reaction, I try to be professional and more measured in any public response because you never know what caused the comment in the first place.
The one thing I will say about any negative comments is they are rarely about you and are usually an indication of what’s going on with the person who has left them and as they probably haven’t shared the details of their life online, you can’t know for sure what you’re dealing with. You can though, have a guess. I can only assume that this person may have experienced an abusive or coercive relationship and for that, they have my utmost sympathy and compassion.
I don’t understand the reflex that makes someone project their issues with something or someone onto someone else, especially someone else online, but I am aware that social media has made that easier and so it’s part and parcel of the job. But, as I said to the two people out of thousands who read the article, if Cher can forgive Sonny then I think the t-shirt is ok. And, for the record, I’m keeping it.
In a much more joyous occasion, I went along to the Isle of Paradise breakfast, hosted by its Founder Jules von Hep, this week for the launch of their body care collection. This brand holds a very special place in my heart because Jules, who I have known for years, told me he was launching Isle of Paradise long before it was announced, which felt like being let in on an exciting secret.
He told me on a river walk during my ‘40 days of 40’ extravaganza, where I spent time with my favourite people every day in the 40 days before my 40th birthday in 2017, and I remember squealing with glee. We’d taken a rest on our winter walk along The Thames in a pub and he announced he was telling me something in confidence. The rest, as they say, is history.
In the seven years since, Jules has taken a capsule collection of tanning products and grown the most incredible brand that has become a global phenomenon. The addition of body care is an obvious next step and I can’t wait to see more of his products become sell-outs and must-haves.
The Isle of Paradise breakfast was special for a whole other reason because I also saw my friends Caroline Hirons, Alex Light, who hadn’t seen for well over a year, and my lovely friend Sophie Beresiner who I hadn’t seen properly for around five.
Sophie and I were beauty editors on glossy magazines at around the same time and, for around a decade, found ourselves at beauty launches, events and national and international trips together. We were reminiscing about a really special time in both our careers and how funny it is to look back now on everything we’d done.
The thing is though, if you get to sit next to Sophie at anything, you have to quiz her about her fashion buys. She has always been one of those people who can seek out a designer bargain, put together an outfit in a way that no one else can and generally knows what to buy for a chic and timeless wardrobe. True to form, she’d popped into TK Maxx on the way to the breakfast and showed me the most incredible designer bargain so I, obviously, went in on the way to my next appointment to see if any designer gear jumped off the rails at me.
I wasn’t even three steps into the store on Oxford Street when I spotted a straw bag. I checked the tag and it was from Whistles with a whopping 80% discount. Now, I love a straw bag but very few of them are are practical because they don’t have pockets and can’t be zipped up but, dear reader, this one can. I couldn’t even wait to get home before I sent a picture of me clutching it to Sophie saying her shopping luck rubbed off on me.
With two new additions to my wardrobe, it’s time to put some more bits on Vinted. After all, there’s no point having a major clear-out if you just clutter things up again, right?
It’s a damn shame we have to be so defensive and justify every little thing and explain ourselves. I have a lot of things I’d like to say and share on social media, but I find it exhausting. And therefore, I don’t. I Remind myself of the spiritual teachings, that life is suffering and people who stepped in it right now. The joy that is emerging, is the most important thing right now. Let us cling to that!✅✅
New to your Substack but loving it. Thanks for sharing x