Ask Emma | 'I'm scared of the perimenopause'.

The things we're all trying to figure out...

The Question,

I’m hoping you can help because I feel like I’m tying myself in knots.

I’m 46 and, although I don’t think I’m in perimenopause yet (or maybe I am?), I feel like I’ve reached the age where everyone is telling me I need to start doing things differently.

Everywhere I look there’s another article or Instagram post saying women our age should be lifting weights, eating loads of protein, taking creatine, sleeping eight hours, walking every day, reducing stress, eating more fibre, eating less sugar... honestly, I could go on.

The thing is, I know it all sounds sensible, but I don’t know where to start. It feels as though I’ve left it so late that I’d have to completely overhaul my life to make the necessary changes. I’m not the sort of person who bounces around in leisurewear, meal prepping between reformer pilates classes, but I also know that if I carry on as I am, I may come to regret it in a few years.

I wouldn’t say I’m unhealthy. I walk quite a bit because I’ve got a dog, and I try to eat reasonably well most of the time. I’ve had spells of going to the gym but I’ve never been consistent.

I also don’t actually know what I’m trying to achieve. I don’t really want to lose weight but I certainly don’t want to gain any. I wouldn’t mind feeling a bit stronger and more comfortable in my body. Mostly, I just want to get to my 50s feeling healthy and knowing I’ve given myself the best chance of aging well.

How do you know what’s actually worth doing and what’s just another wellness trend? If you were starting from scratch at my age, where would you begin? Because at the moment I feel so overwhelmed that the only thing I’ve done is, well, nothing.

Where do I begin?

The Answer

The first thing I’d say is this: I don’t think you’re worried about perimenopause. I think you’re worried about what you’ve been told perimenopause is going to do to you.

We’ve gone from not talking about perimenopause and menopause to talking about them so much that women are hitting 40 and immediately bracing for their impact.

That’s not to say that being prepared isn’t a bad thing, but being in fear of it is.

Zooming out slightly, I’d say there are two things going on at the same time here.

Firstly, your body is probably going through changes, even if they aren’t enough to think, ‘Yep, that’s it - perimenopause has arrived!’.

I’m a couple of years older than you and while I don’t have any perimenopausal symptoms that are causing me inconvenience or discomfort, I am slowly understanding that my body isn’t the same ‘machine’ it used to be and in order for it to run well, I have to make small lifestyle changes accordingly.

One bad night’s sleep can have a knock-on effect on my mood, focus, appetite and ability to train, and if I can’t catch up on that sleep, I can quickly feel as though I’m unravelling.

None of this has happened overnight, and none of it has made me panic, but it has made me pay more attention to how I feel and what I can tolerate.

It sounds as though you might be in a similar position. There’s nothing pressing yet, but you want to have made some changes before you start to feel the bigger shifts to come.

The second thing that’s happening is that women over 40 aren’t just surrounded, we’re constantly bombarded with advice.

Lift weights. Eat more protein. Walk at least 10,000 steps. Take creatine. Get eight hours sleep. Reduce stress. Eat more fibre. Don’t snack. You must snack. Don’t eat carbs. Do eat carbs. Fast intermittently. Don’t fast.

We’re from the generation who grew up with Heroin Chic, Kate Moss and the Size Zero trend, who watched adverts for Slim Fast, Lean Cuisine and Weight Watchers during our favourite TV shows and believed that being slim meant barely eating. Before we even begin to look at the potential changes we need to make in mid-life, it’s important to unpack everything we ‘think’ we know about diet and exercise.

To make the switch from what you’ve been doing your whole life to what you think you should be doing, based on an algorithm that’s now targeting you with all things mid-life would feel like having to become an entirely different person.

The fact is none of us have arrived at our 40s with a blank slate when it comes to food, exercise and body image. We’re all, in our way, carrying decades of diet culture and a lot of what we think we know is actually at odds with much of the good advice out there, which makes trying to make sense of it even more difficult.

So, if you want the short answer to your question, this is where I’d begin.

Prioritise strength training, protein, walking and sleep. Everything else can wait.

If I was new to strength, I’d start with bodyweight exercises. For diet, simply build every meal around a lean protein source. Work out how many daily steps you’re currently doing and increase it by 20 per cent.

None of this means you need to be in the squat rack four times a week. You can start with something simple like press ups. If you can’t do one, start on your knees or against a wall and build up your strength until you can do a full one.

I did this a few years ago. It took about three months, but it was never about the press up really. It was about showing up every day and doing the best version of a press up I could do until I could do a little better.

Sure, protein has become the viral macro that everyone raves about, but rather than adding protein shakes and supplements into your diet, I’d just build most of your meals around a protein source like a salmon fillet, chicken breast or some turkey mince.

Creatine is one of the most researched sports supplements available, but I wouldn’t advise anyone to start with supplements. Start with the fundamentals and once those habits are established, creatine becomes something that supports them rather than something you’re hoping will make up for them.

I’ve become much more protective of my sleep because without enough of it, I can start to come undone. Life is harder when you’re fighting through fatigue; mood suffers, training suffers, hunger changes…

If your sleep is persistently disrupted, it’s worth speaking to your GP. Otherwise, I’d start by looking at your routine and environment. Small changes to light and temperature can make a difference, but start to look at sleep as something that’s just as important as what you eat and how you move.

None of these things have to change drastically overnight.

Maybe this week, you pick one thing. Maybe it’s protein and every evening meal will be built around a chicken breast. See how you feel after seven days. Sure, maybe bored of chicken but you’ll have a week’s worth of data to give you a sense of how you feel.

Then the next week, maybe go to bed and get up at the same time every day. See how that feels after seven days.

The week after that, you could see how you get on with press-ups or by following a strength training workout on YouTube.

One thing I’d encourage you to do is give yourself permission to go slowly. Start with one thing and get comfortable with that before you start on the next thing. Not only does that make the whole process easier, it’s also more likely to embed the habits you want to build into your life.

I think it’s really easy with lifestyle goals to want them to happen overnight, but the truth is, they take time. I didn’t wake up one day as someone who confidently walks into the gym three times a week. That happened one small decision at a time. Looking after yourself isn’t about becoming someone else, it’s about making choices every day that 50-year-old you feels grateful for.

While perimenopause, and the anticipation of it, might be the trigger that prompted this question, I don’t think it’s really about that. Some of the rhetoric around perimenopause can make it feel as though you have to suit up and go to war with your body. I don’t think you do. I think you listen to it. You notice what helps, what doesn’t, and you make small changes that make you feel stronger, healthier and more like yourself - not like a facsimile of a person you’ve seen on social media.

That’s a much kinder way to approach the years ahead, and in my experience, a much more sustainable one too.

Have something you’re trying to figure out? Email me at office@emmaguns.com. Every question will be treated in confidence and anonymised before publication.